How do you overcome social anxiety? Imagine walking into an auditorium of hundreds and thousands of people. As you begin scanning to try and find an open seat, your heart starts racing, and your palms become sweaty as you see all of the eyes are staring back at you. Does this sound like you? If so, you’re not alone. 13% of Americans around the country experience social anxiety disorder or some of its symptoms, according to Yale Medicine.
Social anxiety is more common than we think, as it affects people from all age groups—children, teens, college students, and adults. If you’ve been battling this challenge for a while, there’s a truth you must face: social anxiety is affordable and treatable, but the process demands dedication. There’s no overnight solution, and you must be willing to step outside of your comfort zone by taking micro-steps each day.
What is social anxiety disorder? How is it different from shyness?
The racing heart. The sweaty palms. The feeling that everyone in the room is watching and judging you. If this sounds familiar, you’re experiencing something natural and common in today’s society. You’re experiencing something known as social anxiety disorder (SAD), which the Mayo Clinic describes as irrational anxiety, self-consciousness, and embarrassment emerging from everyday social interactions. You are experiencing a completely normal reaction, and understanding it is the first step to freeing yourself from the grip of social anxiety.
Although shyness and social anxiety sound similar, there is a significant distinction between the two. Imagine shyness as slowly easing into the brakes of a car—a feeling of nervousness when surrounded by unfamiliar faces. Your heart rate increases but doesn’t prevent you from engaging in social interactions. On the other hand, social anxiety is a more urgent slam on the brakes. The self-consciousness and fear mixed with awkwardness make social interactions appear impossible for you.
While there’s no magical overnight solution to cure social anxiety, there are step-by-step practices we can take. We must first understand the root causes leading to our social anxiety.
Common causes of social anxiety
Social anxiety looks different for everybody, including its severity and the causes leading to its development. While some people are socially anxious due to trauma, others are socially anxious due to the environment that raised them. Letting go of the trauma and forgiving those who wronged us isn’t always easy; therefore, our social anxiety is the product of our unfortunate circumstances.
Understanding social anxiety can best be interpreted through a cause-and-effect relationship. These causes, such as trauma, negative self-image, or perception of life, lead us to experience the effect of social anxiety. Here are a handful of other common causes:
1. Environment growing up
Everything about our environment—crime and how people treated us growing up—plays a significant role in our upbringing. The anxiety we experience growing up in a dangerous and abusive environment doesn’t just disappear; it follows us throughout adulthood.
Our anxiety triggered our fight-or-flight response to protect us from danger. However, as we grow up, this prevents us from feeling safe because we assume everyone and everything is a threat. We’re so used to being hypervigilant of our surroundings that feeling safe seems impossible. The bullying and toxicity we experienced growing up also make it difficult to feel comfortable around unfamiliar people.
The environment that raised us in the past has a lingering effect on our anxiety today. However, the state of our environment currently could also contribute to our social anxiety. Hiding yourself from others by secluding yourself at home due to the fear of being in public could be the cause of your social anxiety.
2. Perfectionist mindset
Having a perfectionist mindset has its pros and cons. While it develops our eye for paying attention to details of all sizes, it can cause us to live in an unrestful state of stress and worry. Then, whenever we fail to meet our expectations, we start drowning in sorrow and self-pity.
Wanting to look our best when we step outside is a natural human instinct. However, when we start fixating on perfecting every aspect of our appearance—our hair, outfit, makeup—we become overly self-conscious. This often triggers social anxiety as we begin to believe others are judging our flaws and imperfections.
3. Genetics
A study reveals that children raised by parents with anxiety are more likely to develop anxiety themselves. It’s in every human’s DNA to hide their feelings, especially when they fear judgment or prefer not to discuss their emotions. As a result, it becomes difficult to detect anxiety in those closest to us, including our parents, who may struggle with it silently throughout our childhood.
With this in mind, the source of our anxiety could lie in the genetics passed down to us from previous generations without us knowing it. The anxious behaviors our parents exhibited—like restless leg shaking or a constant sense of urgency—are habits we might naturally absorb as we grow older. As we grow up seeing our parents practice these behaviors in response to stress, we may adopt the same.
4. Traumatic events
Do you remember when you said something you regretted or walked into a room and felt like everyone was laughing at you? If so, your social anxiety might stem from past events that you’re struggling to let go of. The more you refuse to let go, the more these memories intensify and cause you even more distress.
These experiences reinforce the belief that people are judging, laughing, and criticizing you, intensifying your social anxiety even more. The fear of reliving these moments—or having others judge you based on them—can lead you to avoid social interactions and public spaces as much as possible. Over time, the lack of confidence and self-esteem from these memories makes social interactions feel overwhelming and the most terrifying thing on Earth.
5. Low self-esteem
Your social anxiety is like that friend who doesn’t care about you, doesn’t respect you, and only wants to see the worst for you. It tells you that you aren’t good enough and feeds you lies about how ugly, worthless, and weird you are. Rather than lift you up, it drags you down by magnifying your flaws and insecurities.
The more you believe the false lies this “friend” tells you, the more you turn these lies into your reality. Your self-talk determines your image and perception of yourself, influencing how you feel about the person you see in the mirror. If you accept the lies that say you’re worthless, you’ll continue to see yourself as a person of no value.
The lack of confidence that stems from believing these false lies only intensifies your social anxiety. Instead of being the confident and outgoing person you know you can be, your anxiety takes over, keeping you from expressing yourself freely. With the negative self-talk killing your self-esteem, you start avoiding social situations altogether, fearing even more judgment from others. This cycle reinforces your anxiety, making it harder to break free and embrace the confident version of yourself.
Solutions/practices to overcome social anxiety
Now that we’ve identified some common causes of social anxiety, we can begin to implement strategies to overcome it. Although this process requires time, effort, and dedication, it’s a crucial step we must take to heal and reclaim our peace of mind. By continuing to deny and fail to address our social anxiety, the more we allow it to control our lives, striping us of our potential and happiness.
There’s no one-size-fits-all solution for overcoming social anxiety, and the best approach is to take consistent, daily steps toward managing it. The strategies you choose will depend on the severity of your anxiety. However, by gradually working through it, you can make progress. Here are some effective practices you can implementing today:
1. Practice meditation/breathing exercises
Meditation is a powerful practice that shifts our focus away from the worries of the future and the regrets of the past. It brings us to the beauty of the present moment, where nothing but peace and tranquility exists. The more you practice meditation, the less you’ll wander into the past and future. Staying in the present moment allows you to disconnect from anxiety, fostering a sense of inner happiness and balance.
We’ll all experience stress and anxiety at some point in our lives. Focusing on our breath is one effective strategy we can use to cope in moments when our thoughts are racing. By doing so, we can calm our nervous system, allowing our heart rate to return to normal and helping our minds regain clarity. This simple practice helps prevent us from being overwhelmed by fear, doubt, and worry, grounding us in the present moment and restoring control of the situation.
The next time you feel yourself panicking while walking to class or through a public space, pause for a moment, take a deep breath, and focus on the rhythm of your inhale and exhale. This simple act can help calm your mind and body. If you’re new to meditation, here’s a free guide on how to get started and make it a regular practice.
2. Develop self-love/self-appreciation
The lack of confidence and anxiety we experience whenever in public stems from being overly self-conscious and from insecurities we haven’t fully accepted. To combat this, we challenge the battle against self-hate with self-love. By doing so, we adopt a mindset of less judging and more appreciating, allowing us to experience confidence and calmness in public.
In 1 Corinthians 6:19 (ESV), the Bible reminds us, “Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own.” We’re encouraged to treat our minds, bodies, and spirits with love and care as sacred temples. When we do so, we convert doubt into confidence and hate into love. This newfound sense of respect makes us feel less anxious and self-conscious of ourselves in public.
Your social anxiety might stem from constantly comparing yourself to others in public. Each time you make these comparisons, you reinforce the belief that you aren’t good enough. To overcome this, try shifting your focus inward and practicing self-love. By valuing yourself more, you’ll gradually transfer the focus from others’ opinions to your sense of worth, which can ease anxiety and build confidence in social settings.
3. Zoom out and change your perception
Imagine this: there are two people who had a home growing up and received an education. The first person lives in a beautiful 4-bedroom suburban home and attends a private school, but struggles to be grateful. In contrast, the second person grew up in a modest home surrounded by violence and attended a public high school. Yet, they remained grateful and content for what they had
This difference in outlook shows that fulfillment doesn’t depend on our circumstances but on how we perceive and appreciate them.
As we perceive our haves and have-nots differently, so do we perceive ourselves differently. The social anxiety we’ve been struggling with for so long often leads us to view ourselves negatively. It makes us prioritize what others think of us, even though, in reality, most people are more focused on themselves than on us.
We need to periodically step back and recognize that it’s our anxiety causing these distorted perceptions of ourselves and others. By doing so, we reduce the weight of our anxiety, gaining clarity and assurance. This perspective shift also helps us see that the situation is often less overwhelming than it seems. One of the best ways to shift this perspective is by asking yourself questions to reassess your situation.
Questions to help overcome social anxiety
- If we all have our own set of flaws, why should I care what other people think about me?
- Life on Earth is temporary. Why am I keeping myself hostage by making this such a big deal?
- Life is way to short to care about what others think about me. Why am I making this such a big deal than it really is?
- Is the outcome I’m imaging in my head based on facts or assumptions? If it’s based on either one, what’s the worse that can happen?
4. Identify weaknesses to help overcome social anxiety
Living with social anxiety can be challenging, but it also serves as a great indicator that reveals areas we need to grow in. For instance, the social anxiety we experience in public may signal the need to strengthen our social skills or improve our self-image. Putting in the effort to improve our weaknesses gives us the confidence, clarity, and attitude to overcome our social anxiety.
Working on our weaknesses will require us to step outside of our comfort zone, which doesn’t always seem appealing to many. However, the more we delay this process, the more we give our social anxiety permission to control our minds and spirits.
Using our social anxiety to shine the spotlight on our weaknesses is the first step toward overcoming it. Building the confidence to break free from social anxiety’s grip requires us to take action, even if the steps seem small. With each micro-step, we gain self-assurance, realizing that our perceived weakness is often less significant than it appears.
5. Step out of your comfort zone
If you’re sick and tired of living with social anxiety yet do nothing to overcome it, you’ll continue to live in that rut. In most cases, the solution to overcome social anxiety lies on the other side of the comfort zone. Stepping into that discomfort—where doubt, fear, and uncertainty reside—is how we’ll experience true growth.
While no magic pill or overnight solution exists, one of the most practical and cost-effective strategies is to take a gradual step into the unknown. This doesn’t mean diving in headfirst immediately—doing so would be like asking someone with no training to fly a plane. Jumping in too quickly can cause us to feel overwhelmed and kill our motivation to take action. Instead, taking small, manageable steps helps us build confidence over time.
Stepping outside our comfort zone offers endless opportunities for growth and self-improvement. Each time we do, our anxiety may flare up, but this also teaches us valuable coping skills. Each micro-step gradually builds our confidence, causing our social anxiety to fade.
If social anxiety makes social interactions intimidating, start small and build up gradually. Begin by saying “hello” to three people who pass by. Next, try asking, “How are you?” After that, you can engage in brief conversations about someone’s job, hometown, or hobbies. With consistent practice, your social anxiety will gradually lessen, and one day, it’ll no longer hold you back.
Conclusion
In conclusion, social anxiety is less about worrying about how others perceive you and more about building confidence, self-love, and self-appreciation to transform how you see yourself. Living with social anxiety can be exhausting; it makes you feel overly self-conscious and unsettled, often keeping you from embracing life’s beauty.
No amount of money can cure your social anxiety. Instead, it’s up to you to do the hard work of stepping outside your comfort zone, addressing your weaknesses, and building self-love—even when it feels difficult. In the long run, this effort makes a tremendous difference. Remember, you’re not alone on this journey; I also experience social anxiety. But the more we practice the steps in this article, the closer we come to overcoming it together.
How has social anxiety impact your life positively and negatively?
