The United States is currently undergoing a societal epidemic. According to the Pew Research Center, in 1970, about 11% of families raised children in single parent household. By 2020, this figure had risen to around 23%.
Having to raise a child on your own isn’t easy. Single mothers face higher stress levels and fatigue as they try to raise their children independently. Not only is it challenging for the mother, but it’s also difficult for the child growing up. They grow up without the presence of a father figure, potentially making them more likely to get into trouble with the law and struggle academically.
The blame for a child growing up in a single parent household either falls on the mother or father. Regardless, the strength of society and family continues to be weakened when men aren’t present.
To better equip boys on their transition to manhood, I’ve compiled a list of eight distinctive that separates a man from a boy.
Priorities
A boy’s priorities are undefinable, whereas a man has his priorities clearly defined and established in his life. A boy thinks he understands his priorities, but they typically revolve around the superficialities of this world—flexing money, accumulating more followers on social media, parties, and chasing after women.
While a boy prioritizes short-term pleasure, a man prioritizes legacy. His priorities are engraved into his heart and revolve around growth and fulfillment: goal setting, God, becoming healthier, and learning.
Control of Emotions
A boy lets his emotions take over, while a man understands the consequences of allowing his emotions to run free. Without emotional control, our feelings become the decision-maker, not us. Nine times out of ten, these decisions will hurt ourselves and others because they derive from impulses rather than critical thinking.
A man understands that a lack of emotional control is childish behavior that causes him to appear foolish in the eyes of others. Whether it be anger, sadness, or stress, he knows how to cope with his emotions so that it doesn’t get the best of him, and he does not want to be that 40-year-old throwing a tantrum in the McDonald’s lobby for his order that got placed incorrectly.
Intimate relationships
A boy has no other good reason for getting into a relationship other than seeking sexual gratification. At the same time, a man looks beyond that and seeks a long-term partner willing to grow with him. While a boy looks at a woman for her body, a man recognizes a woman for her loving personality, compassion and integrity.
As humans, it’s natural for us to crave romantic relationships. A man wouldn’t immediately rush into a relationship because of pressure from those around him. Instead, he’ll spend months and years adopting the qualities that make him a perfect candidate for love.
Behavior towards others
A boy is full of pride, egotistical, and arrogant. On the other hand, a man considers those around him and is willing to take a bullet for those he cares most about. Boys love to gossip about others as long as they aren’t the ones on the other end receiving the flame.
Men understand that gossip is high-school behavior that never has a positive outcome. They know that gossiping and treating others poorly is a sign of insecurity and a reflection of the lack of self-love they have towards themself. If he doesn’t have anything nice to say about a person, he would not say it at all.
Validation and approval of others
Boys live on validation alone—they seek, feed, and rely on it to make them feel good. They do anything for validation from their peers because they’re afraid of standing out and receiving criticism. Whether that’s falling into peer pressure, acting a certain way, or following trends of those around them, boys rely on validation because they haven’t discovered their worth. Their decisions revolve around people-pleasing rather than being guided by their values and principles.
Men don’t rely on validation from others because they’ve identified their worth through years of self-discovery and enduring seasons of trials and tribulations. They know their capabilities and don’t need others to validate them. Their decisions revolve around what they think is best for them. If they make a poor decision, they immediately take accountability for it.
Accountability and responsibility
Accountability is necessary in life; it makes us realize we’re at fault, encouraging us to seek improvement. Boys tend to run away from accountability because they fear judgment, criticism, and maybe even ridicule because of a step they miscalculated.
Men, on the other hand, are the complete opposite. They understand that accountability is necessary if they wish to learn from their current erroneous situation. They’re also natural-born leaders who take the initiative instead of waiting for someone to give them the green light when to do something.
Quality of friends
A boy knows he has unhealthy friends but keeps them in his circle because he fears isolation. These friends exhibit all the traits of enemies rather than friends—talking down on him behind his back, manipulating him, and ignoring his boundaries. He refuses to read these signs, and his unwillingness to let them go keeps him returning to this toxic circle.
A man, however, surrounds himself with like-minded individuals who share the same goals, hobbies, and passions. His group of friends is more of a brotherhood, where everyone respects and looks out for one another.
For signs of fake friends to look out for, read here.
Use of time
Boys indulge in all the bad habits that waste time, holding onto the belief that they have all the time in the world. A man knows that time is his most valuable asset and uses it responsibly, prioritizing what is good for him. He still makes time for leisure but ensures that most, if not all, of his responsibilities are taken care of beforehand.
Managing time isn’t about how much we can get done, but rather how much time we avoid wasting. The fact that time is shorter than we think rarely enters a boy’s mind, prompting him to continue wasting it. A man can’t afford to waste time, so he eliminates all the bad habits that drain his time.
Conclusion
The transition from becoming a boy to a man is a long and demanding process, but it’s necessary. While boys are still searching for their identity, living however they want, blinded by the potential they possess, men are doing the complete opposite. They’re on a mission to become a better version of themself, turn their dreams into a reality, and work to leave an everlasting impact on society.
Age, a beard, or muscles don’t distinguish a man from a boy. It’s more so the character traits, beliefs, and actions that they embody. By recognizing these distinctive differences, we can begin adopting the qualities that make us a resourceful man in society.
What does being a man mean to you?
